Ad Arbitrium
thoughts in service to me
Apple Pages to Confluence 2 Wiki Pages
Jan 21st
I write a voluminous amount of documents using Apple Pages and some of those documents have to become Confluence Wiki pages. The Office/OpenOffice Connector doesn’t quite work for me ( and as a matter of principle, I refuse to use Microsoft Office )
- Save the document as a Word doc. This, it turns out, is a somewhat non-conformant Word 97-2004 document. If your version of Confluence supports it, you’re golden. Mine doesn’t
- Upload the doc to Google. Google apparently understands this file just fine..
- Download the doc from Google. This saves it as a conformant Word 97-2004 document
- Use the Doc Import tool to upload the document into Confluence This, uh, creates the actual wiki page so it’s quite important
I really hope to wrap this up into a nice little utility or script one of these days. I’ll update the post when I do.
Texas Alamo’d
Dec 12th
A simple recipe for a good time, courtesy of the Shivi and Niranjan.
Ingredients :
1 simpleton
1 cute, considerate, and slightly competitive girlfriend
1 good-natured, endearing, and (more than) slightly balding brother
1 sister (from London) with a quick wit, an acerbic tongue, and a reasonably decent vocabulary
1 good-natured brother-in-law (from London) with exceptional taste in gadgetry and better Scrabble ability than his wife.
1 gorgeous niece (with an adorable English accent) with a delightfully puckish attitude and cuteness in incredible reserves.
1 sister (in Austin) with an eye for home decorating and a weakness for liquor shots and below average Hindi film actors
1 highly dependable brother-in-law (in Austin) with an incredibly cool demeanor and an amazingly quick grasp of all the rules.
Directions :
1. Wake up girlfriend, simpleton and brother and rush to airport incredibly early in practically sub-zero weather with suitcases and a Tupperware filled with now-cold flavorless scrambled eggs. Make sure brother spends at least 5 minutes with the hair dryer, because , as anyone knows, you could be photographed at any time in an airport and you want to look your best.
2. Make sure simpleton + girlfriend arrive first. This is so the simpleton can immediately make introductions, followed by outrageous requests for meal plans. Also, this gives everyone else a time to comment on simpleton’s weight. This starts with the simple “Oh, you look healthy,” and quickly devolves into “Wow, you got fat.”
3. Have a homemade Indian lunch in sister and brother-in-law’s newly minted house. Pretend that we’re civilized, modernized Indians by attempting to use knives, forks, and other utensils purely for the sake of proving to girlfriends that we’re not all Neanderthals.
4. Play with niece. Set aside.
5. Pick up brother from airport. It’s important to remember that even though brother will be delayed at multiple airports, he will arrive earlier than expected and not call until he’s past baggage claim. Dependable brother-in-law should chime in about how we should have left 30 minutes ago. Ignore.
6. With brother finally present, celebration can begin in earnest. Discussions about dinner plans are moot since it’s assumed the vacationing sister (from London) is the one doing the cooking while sister (in Austin) idly looks on. Chicken is basted and vegetables are steamed. Beer should also be consumed, as well as wine. And when I say wine, I mean, if it’s red and liquid, by all means try to ingest it.
7. While food is being prepared, begin a game of Scrabble. If you’re anyone else but the brother, play as you actually understand how the game is played. If you’re the brother, then you act as if you’re on teams, mainly with your sister (from London.) Your strategy is simple : make simple words that will walk the next person in turn ( who is said sister ) right to a triple word score as often as possible. While sister racks up points like they were being given away, girlfriend should start making up words that don’t mean anything in the real world, but somehow have made their way into a secret Scrabble dictionary. Pay no attention time. You have all night to eat, but only NOW to play Scrabble.
8. Sister (in Austin) should commence with the partaking of Sambuca shots. This should only occur after sister (in Austin) has drank enough wine to sedate a rhino and danced merrily ( a preparation video is being, uh, prepared. please stay tuned ).
9. Once the chicken is ready, invite simpleton to cut the whole chicken. The simpleton, having no real experience in actually carving any sort of fowl, will use the time honored strategy of “carving by vengance.” That is, the simpleton hacks away at the chicken as if he were deeply wronged by it sometime in early childhood until it resembles little more than the sketch outline of a Picasso.
10. Once dinner is consumed, certain parties will saunter off to bed. This is expected. Usually, the remnants are brother, brother-in-law (in Austin), girlfriend, simpleton, and good friend Shantu (not pictured). This remainder should play Taboo. Simpleton+girlfriend on one team, everyone else on another, and the former should lose handily. The girlfriend, being ultra-competitive, will be miffed. Set aside.
11. The next day, at lunch, dispose of any pretenses of civility and start digging into leftovers with your hands. Those who don’t have capable hands ( neice ) and who can’t use their hands to eat ( girlfriend ) should expect to be struggling with utensils.
12. After saying goodbye to sister, brother-in-law, and niece (from London), simpleton and girlfriend should make their way to San Antonio to see the Alamo.
13. After arriving and entering the Alamo, simpleton and girlfriend should walk around a bit. Simpleton takes note of the fact that across the street from the front of the Alamo lies the tackiest bunch of stores that he has ever seen, the highlights of which include the “Official Guinness Book of World Records Museum”, “Ripley’s Believe It or Not” ( complete with historic Alamo ride), and yes, a “Fuddruckers.”
14. When inside, make it a point to read everything. This bears repeating: read everything. If it has words on it, or if they resemble words, read it. Only then will you realize that, since there wasn’t that much to tell to begin with, you have to have at least 4 boards dedicated to the definition of words like “empresario” and “mision.” A museum attendant will offer up to tell the story of the Alamo. Accept it, since this will undoubtedly be the most entertainment you’re going to get for the day.
15. When finished with the Alamo, proceed to the River Walk. Attempting to find the River Walk without knowing it’s under your feet might prove too much for the average person. Somehow, arrows that point off yonder don’t convey the spatial understanding that people need in a three-dimensional world. Buy some tchotckes, knowing you’ve made the American economy better.
16. After driving back, prepare for dinner at Trudi’s. Even though it’s not mentioned in this recipe, the original made mention of a great number of times, primarily through the lips of the sister (in Austin). Expect to be starving since no attempt to actually eat has been made since noontime, and it is closing in on 9 pm.
17. Everyone drive to the one Trudi’s that seems magnetically attract local Indians, so that you blend in ( disregard Asian girlfriend. ). Have dinner: this will consist of the simpleton ordering in excess and attempting to eat it. One-or-more people will make fat jokes. Simpleton will retort with jokes about baldness or having children, directed at appropriate parties. Sister (in Austin) will make serious-sounding remarks about never drinking again, after waking up with a hangover and blacking out certain parts of the evening. Dismiss these as mere ramblings of a woman in withdrawal.
18. Return home to play a game of Taboo. During this time, the girlfriend will transform to a Taboo savant, allowing the simpleton to guess the words on the card by mere eye twitches. The simpleton will still falter, unable to express concepts as, well, simple, as “underwear” and “mummy.” He should only be outdone by sister (in Austin) who, apparently by the sheer virtue of the fact that she’s actually playing this game, blurts out the secret word ( or part thereof ) as an involuntary, spasmodic reaction. This will cause the simpleton to laugh and then feel better about himself. He will also promise to make breakfast. In the meantime, the brother-in-law (in Austin) will lose the ability to use the official Taboo notification horn. He then resorts to pointing and grunts, an apparent regression of the human species at least one notch back.
19. In the morning, the simpleton should attempt to demonstrate what most people initially deemed impossible : his ability to cook. Abetted by the girlfriend, the simpleton should engage in actual (and clearly dangerous) cutlery use. This will prove that even idiots can cook. Heaps of praise should be laden on simpleton for the preparation of the eggs, even though eggs, like GEICO, is so simple “a caveman could do it.”
20. The remainder of the ingredients should then proceed to the nearest outlet mall shopping. The two parties should then split, leaving simpleton + girlfriend to shop alone. This activity will then teach the simpleton that shopping with girlfriend is a significantly more arduous task than at first ( or ever ) imagined. He will pray for a silent, quick, and painless death to take away the hurt that is the indecisiveness of female shopping. Luckily, lunch will break the cycle of shop, dislike, and shop that is the earmark of painful shopping.
21. After lunch, there’s nothing left but sad goodbyes.
Thank you for reading this far. Too bad, though, this is the end.
Moving On
Dec 6th
I’ve taken to calling my last two weeks at eMusic : “Aadi Gras”, with the tag line “The holiday sensation that’s sweeping the nation.”
It’s a combination of Kwanzaa, Mardi Gras, and Arbor Day. I actually know very little of Kwanzaa, have never been to Mardi Gras, and have never planted a tree in my life, much less on a specific occasion. Which is simply the long-handed way of saying that “Aadi Gras” is about as clean-slate of a holiday as one can get. It’s whatever I decide to make it, and mainly that means a lot of drinking with friends.
The hardest thing in leaving, for me, has always been the people. No matter where I’ve gone, I’ve managed to end up making good friends who generally frown upon my eventual departure, especially since you don’t realize how close you’ve become.
But, unfortunately, to stay only for the people would probably be the greater crime, would it not? There was a reason, a motivation, a need ( or a lack ) that was evident that put me in the position that I find myself, and that couldn’t be ignored.
But, I am truly excited about the move to thestreet.com. I know I’ll be doing a lot of interesting things, and working the way I know how to work, with the fluidity that I expect out of my environment.
I’m actually thinking I’m going to start a more technical blog, being that this being is more of my online journal. Sad but true: the only thing holding me back from starting one is finding a good name for it.
I suppose once inspiration hits me, I’ll get it going.
Teenspeak
Nov 14th
Saw this article over at News.com, another in a long line of articles about teens and instant messaging.
They had this handy lil’ image of common acronyms that teens use.
Hilarious that 50% of the codes are warnings that parents are in the room, and another 30% about boys and girls, getting naked, and talking dirty over a webcam.
Weirdly, I figure if someone is getting naked in front of a webcam, the viewing party doesn’t really need to be told this…
They had this handy lil’ image of common acronyms that teens use.
Hilarious that 50% of the codes are warnings that parents are in the room, and another 30% about boys and girls, getting naked, and talking dirty over a webcam.
Weirdly, I figure if someone is getting naked in front of a webcam, the viewing party doesn’t really need to be told this…
Vegas Recap
Nov 14th
I had planned on blogging throughout the trip to Vegas.
In fact, I wrote my first post when I was flying high at 35K feet, thanks to my most amazing MDA. (I’m really starting to love this thing ; I should really write a post about it after using it for this long )
Too bad the beta of blogger swallowed them whole and I’m not in the mood for recreating any of it. So instead, I’ll just recap all the nuggets of wisdom that I’ve gathered in 6 days out west, and make a dandy effort to keep it chronological :
In fact, I wrote my first post when I was flying high at 35K feet, thanks to my most amazing MDA. (I’m really starting to love this thing ; I should really write a post about it after using it for this long )
Too bad the beta of blogger swallowed them whole and I’m not in the mood for recreating any of it. So instead, I’ll just recap all the nuggets of wisdom that I’ve gathered in 6 days out west, and make a dandy effort to keep it chronological :
- The Devil Wears Prada is a form of torture. Subjecting people to watch this at 35,000 feet with no recourse to watch anything else does result in your nails retreating back into your skin and blood welling out of your eyes. I prayed for Deep Vein Thrombosis to strike me dead where I sat, transfixed at this excrement seeping out of the communal LCD screens. Following that up with Little Man is just over the top.
- It’s not surprising that you can gamble at a lot of different places in Las Vegas, but putting a quarter slot machine inside each stall of the john at the gas station down the street might be pushing it just a little bit.
- Thus far, I haven’t been privy to a full-on Catholic wedding ( much less be in the wedding party of one ). Prior weddings that I’ve been to celebrate the union of two loving people, witnessed by family and friends. Catholic weddings celebrate the glory of God with some “celebrate the union of two people” thrown in there. In a sense, you almost feel guilty for considering the notion that those two people up at the altar are going to “get it on” later that evening.
- Before this trip, I had no idea that there was this class of gaudy over-the-top weddings known as “Vegas weddings.” Having said that, one does really get tired of explaining that we’re not here for a “Vegas wedding. It’s a regular wedding, in Vegas.”
- In blackjack, when the dealer is showing a five, and the button stays on a 6-4, you’d be wise to get the hell up and find another table. Personally, I hoped for a different resolution that situation, one that involves a cowboy riding up from behind, lassoing the sod by the neck and dragging him through broken glass and radioactive waste. People like that should automatically be enrolled and then immediately accepted into an organ donor program, because that’s pretty much where their greatest benefit to humanity lies.
- “I love a New York accent” is an invalid phrase in the American English language. I would like to point out to most Southerners, Westerners, and Midwesterners that New York ( and New Jersey ) came before most of their respective home locales. Any drawl that differs from said “New York drawl” is one that has been constructed after the fact, and therefore the one with accents.
- That pant with metal studs might have been great last night at Rain or Rumjungle, but why on earth why someone would try to clear security checkpoint with that thing on is beyond me. Where’s that organ donor signup sheet?
They ain’t gonna catch me surfing dirty…
Nov 3rd
I realized I need more bling in my life : PimpZilla
Don’t Move to the Upper East Side
Oct 11th
It’s all over the news by now.
Some small aircraft has crashed into a high rise on the Upper East Side. They don’t know if it was a helicopter or an airplane ( though, given the proximity to the helipad up there, I’d give better than even money odds that it was a helicopter. )
I’m sure a fair number of people are thinking that this is some ominous sign of the new 9-11.
But, there’s a larger picture here that I think people ( especially apartment hunters and land speculators ) are really missing.
In the past 4 months, 2 buildings in the Upper East Side have been subject to some sort of incendiary “attack”. That’s a rate of 1 every two months. Extend that out by a year, and you have 6 buildings go down every year. In 5 years, that’s 30 buildings. Now, assuming about 4 buildings per block, you have about 8 blocks go down every 5 years.
Those are rough estimates based on fairly new statistical data, but certainly, the numbers ( and the picture they paint ) are nothing short of frightening. If you moved to the Upper East Side now, you would essentially be living in a wasteland in 5 years. Here’s what one artist thinks just 5 years could do to the Upper East Side:
The Upper East Side used to be this quiet neighborhood ( quiet in the sense of “no bombs or collapsing buildings” ) that was the willing home of fresh post-fraternity college grads who learned but two words when moving into Manhattan : Normandy Court
In just 7 years, the landscape has changed drastically. Jappy girls have all migrated to Murray Hill, and taken with them no small smattering of those keg-loving frat boys with them, leaving the Upper East Side vulnerable to psychotic ex-husbands, inept pilots , and post-911 Chicken Little types.
So, if you don’t want to go grocery shopping in a place like this :
Please, please, please don’t move to the Upper East Side.
Some small aircraft has crashed into a high rise on the Upper East Side. They don’t know if it was a helicopter or an airplane ( though, given the proximity to the helipad up there, I’d give better than even money odds that it was a helicopter. )
I’m sure a fair number of people are thinking that this is some ominous sign of the new 9-11.
But, there’s a larger picture here that I think people ( especially apartment hunters and land speculators ) are really missing.
In the past 4 months, 2 buildings in the Upper East Side have been subject to some sort of incendiary “attack”. That’s a rate of 1 every two months. Extend that out by a year, and you have 6 buildings go down every year. In 5 years, that’s 30 buildings. Now, assuming about 4 buildings per block, you have about 8 blocks go down every 5 years.
Those are rough estimates based on fairly new statistical data, but certainly, the numbers ( and the picture they paint ) are nothing short of frightening. If you moved to the Upper East Side now, you would essentially be living in a wasteland in 5 years. Here’s what one artist thinks just 5 years could do to the Upper East Side:
Artist’s rendition of the Upper East Side in 5 years
The Upper East Side used to be this quiet neighborhood ( quiet in the sense of “no bombs or collapsing buildings” ) that was the willing home of fresh post-fraternity college grads who learned but two words when moving into Manhattan : Normandy Court
In just 7 years, the landscape has changed drastically. Jappy girls have all migrated to Murray Hill, and taken with them no small smattering of those keg-loving frat boys with them, leaving the Upper East Side vulnerable to psychotic ex-husbands, inept pilots , and post-911 Chicken Little types.
So, if you don’t want to go grocery shopping in a place like this :
Please, please, please don’t move to the Upper East Side.
Make Love, Not Warcraft
Oct 5th
As prevalent as gaming ( and especially this game in particular ) has become, it’s surprising to me that it hasn’t been represented more frequently in media — except for whenever Jack Thompson gets a new crusader itch to blame some video game on the downfall of modern society.
NY Massive
Oct 4th
The Massive Attack concert last night was pretty good. Not as great as I hoped it could have been, but the company definitely made up for it.
The most ridiculous thing of all was that I had managed to get a new awesome camera for the occasion ( the Panasonic TZ1 — this thing is sick but that’s for a later blog ), but they confiscated my camera battery!
The Results Are In!
Sep 14th
The Morning Routine Normalization Study ( MoRoNS ) would like to thank its particpants in helping conclusively determine that Tuesday morning hangovers are actually no better than Friday or Saturday morning hangovers. This lays to rest the long-held belief that going out early in the week is a good idea, hinting at quite the opposite — that, it is, in fact, a really really bad idea.
Futhermore, the study has expressed the potential of a number of nocturnal functions by the function :
AFG = Asian Female Girlfriend. This was formerly defined as Female Asian Girlfriend (FAG) but found to be inadequate when expressing the prominent qualities that lead to K.
DI = Departing Intern. It was also determined that the multiplier of 1 actually goes as high as 3 or 4 when said intern has no prior experience with K ; that is, there is an inversely proportional relationship between DI’s experience and other people’s willingness to drag him to that experience.
X = Any number of persons greater than 2, qualified by DP ( defined below ). The greater this number is, the greater the likelihood of K, at a rate of 70% per quantity above 2.
DP = Drinking Persons or Dumb People. In this study, as in most cases, they were found be sufficiently indistinguishable.
The study called in question a number of other widely-held notions, some of which are surprising, and also confirmed with finality some age old beliefs. It intimates that you are no cooler singing Nikki French, as you are singing N’Sync, 50 Cent, or Eminem. The likelihood of coolness is just as equivalent as singing Barney, the Purple Dinosaur. Also, the theoretical coolness factor of you belting out that N’Sync song is directly inversely proportional to your intellectual capacity, i.e. belief in coolness gained = intellectual capital lost next morning.
Futhermore, the study has expressed the potential of a number of nocturnal functions by the function :
1AFG + 1DI + XDP = K
Where variables and subscripts are defined as:
K = Karaoke. This is unequivocally where people end up when a number of mitigating factors are met.AFG = Asian Female Girlfriend. This was formerly defined as Female Asian Girlfriend (FAG) but found to be inadequate when expressing the prominent qualities that lead to K.
DI = Departing Intern. It was also determined that the multiplier of 1 actually goes as high as 3 or 4 when said intern has no prior experience with K ; that is, there is an inversely proportional relationship between DI’s experience and other people’s willingness to drag him to that experience.
X = Any number of persons greater than 2, qualified by DP ( defined below ). The greater this number is, the greater the likelihood of K, at a rate of 70% per quantity above 2.
DP = Drinking Persons or Dumb People. In this study, as in most cases, they were found be sufficiently indistinguishable.
The study called in question a number of other widely-held notions, some of which are surprising, and also confirmed with finality some age old beliefs. It intimates that you are no cooler singing Nikki French, as you are singing N’Sync, 50 Cent, or Eminem. The likelihood of coolness is just as equivalent as singing Barney, the Purple Dinosaur. Also, the theoretical coolness factor of you belting out that N’Sync song is directly inversely proportional to your intellectual capacity, i.e. belief in coolness gained = intellectual capital lost next morning.
It also substantiates the belief that everyone, without regard to creed, color, race, gender, or age, will sing Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer, with a mic shoved in their face.
The study also concluded with the notion that the beer and the singing will have to run out at some point. Thankfully.